By Michael Port, author of The Think Big Manifesto: Think You Can't Change Your Life (and the World)? Think Again

When we are thinking small, we crave preordained outcomes.

We want to know what's going to happen before we begin.

Control is an illusion. The need to know how and where prevents all progress.

Outcomes are not the starting point.

The twin demons of failure and rejection are mental illusions, the standard bearers of "excusitis." They sap our will. They suck away our energy. Pressures exist. Deal with it. To do big things in the world is dangerous and vital.

Avoid control. Seek challenge. The more uncomfortable you are, the more challenged you are. Only then will you see the true liberation of breaking free from what you fear. It is life itself.

When we seek to control, it is because we fear the unknown, the out of control. What we fear is reality, because ultimately it can never be controlled.

The reality of reality is this: Every time we find an answer, so, too, we find a conflict with that answer. The closer we come to the core of a matter, of ourselves even, the more we realize the contradictions in the world and in our own nature.

My friend Mina was married by the New York Society for Ethical Culture, an organization whose aim is to create a more humane society and one that believes that all individuals have the potential for growth and change and that with that potential comes a responsibility to help others realize their possibility. Big thinking. As Mina learned in the preparing-for-the-wedding process, it is also one that embraces the contradictions of the world. One of the exercises she and her partner were required to do before being married was to list the five things they loved most about each other. That was nice. Then they were asked to look at each of those five things and notice how what they loved most were the very things they disliked most about each other. Mina can be an infectiously energetic person, rallying others with her enthusiasm. She can also run over people with her energy, talking out of turn in her excitement, interrupting others before they're finished speaking. Two sides of the same coin. A contradiction. Unavoidable.

An aside: I attended the Ethical Culture Fieldston School in New York, which was founded on the same philosophical principles that govern the Society for Ethical Culture, and I was nurtured throughout childhood to accept the inevitability of contradiction. Not, of course, that I don't still struggle with it--a lot.

What are your greatest strengths?

What are your greatest weaknesses?

How are the two related?

Until we can understand our own contradictions, we cannot understand those of others. Until we understand the contradictions in others, we cannot understand the contradictions of the universe. We will seek to control, in vain. We will look for comfort and find discomfort. Better, then, to get comfortable with discomfort.

"Spend your valuable energetic resources on thinking big instead of fighting reality."

Another contradiction about fighting reality, from my life:
I have trained in the art of aikido since 1996. I have a black belt, but belts are just used to hold up your pants.

The style of aikido I practice is one of the very traditional martial arts, a discipline for training the mind and body. While it is a martial art, the way we train is not always realistic. Meaning, in a modern-day street fight, aikido is generally not considered your best defense. I recently added Brazilian (Gracie) Jui-Jitsu training to my regimen, to learn the skills of ground grappling, which are more appropriate for the reality of fighting.

Do I plan on fighting? Of course not. In fact, Buddhist thought influences my training in aikido and beyond. And, as a Buddhist friend of mine recently said, how many Buddhists get into street fights? While I'm not a Buddhist, I certainly respect and believe in the ultimately peaceful goals of Buddhism and value the mental and physical strengths that are the goals of aikido. Yet I want to feel complete in my training, to fully embrace reality, and because it is a good feeling, to know I can protect myself (and others) if need be. It's also just plain fun to be tested on a daily basis. That's what big thinkers do; they are willing submit to testing, again and again.

I hope never to have to use my training in an actual fight.
I want the skills to feel strong and capable inside myself, not to impose my strength on others. We may have the most loving nature, but there will be times when we are called on to fight for what is right.

We need to know how to fight--and that will mean different things to different people. Gandhi fought with civil disobedience. I derive mental strength from knowing that I am strong physically. It is with this mental fortitude that I face the challenges life offers.

Being strong is essential to facing the contradictions of reality and thinking big.

This is the warrior mentality. No, that's not a male thing.

Being a warrior is not about being a tough guy, being a fighter, or endorsing violence. I mean it in the yogic sense, that combination of strong and gentle that is the hallmark of yoga practice.

When we are warriors, we understand that there is no control, that the world is a chaotic place, but that this "control-less-ness" is not necessarily confusion. In fact, clarity in the midst of this chaos comes when we learn to let go--to let go of our need to control and instead open ourselves to the world and its endless potential.

To think big is to love the universe, to embrace our passion. To love is to fight for what we love. What a waste not to, when we have only this one life to live.

Death is a destination we all share, like it or not. "Time is all you have...and you may find one day that you have less than you think," as Randy Pausch wrote.

Would you rather think small, succumb to a wasteful subexistence, living others' lives?

Would you rather play it safe?

You might just as well bury yourself early--or how about now?

So what if someone makes fun of you?

So what if someone tells you that you're crazy to even try?

So what if in fact you do fail?

Often, we believe that thinking bigger brings bigger problems. You want to start your own business, but you can't let go of your stable job, paycheck, house, car, and so on. Those considerations appear to be big roadblocks to your success. Not so. That's just fear of what others will think.

We cannot let the fear of discomfort stop us. The pain of remorse, of wasted opportunity, is a cancer far worse than any of the pain or humiliation we so fear when we are thinking small.

We didn't fail. We tried.

Challenge and capacity feed on each other in a symbiosis, a cycle of exponential growth; as we begin to think big, our big thoughts blossom. So go ahead, increase discomfort. Increase candor.

"As we become more comfortable with discomfort, so our capacity to do big things increases."

Know that if what makes us uncomfortable seems small, it's not the same thing as small thinking. Each challenge is our worthy opponent. As we take on bigger challenges, so the next larger challenge becomes more manageable. The more we overcome, the more we can overcome.

There are no three easy steps, but when we become comfortable with discomfort, we will accomplish great things. We will feel high on the abundance of life.

For some, the discomfort is not in the starting, but in the success and in the expectations that come with achievement. It's just another way of being uncomfortable. We can never stop striving to think big.

In writing this book, I've taken myself to task. I set my own personal bar that much higher. If I am to remain a credible author of The Think Big Manifesto, I cannot flinch in the face of discomfort (as much as I may want to and still do sometimes). With this manifesto, I'm challenging you and me to become comfortable with discomfort, to think bigger.

Three things we will do:

1. Improve and act on our intuition, which is our highest intelligence and derives from our place of truth. This is to up the visibility of our purpose, what we stand for. Such candor in turn will make us more accountable and increase the number of situations that make us uncomfortable. Ouch.

2. Improve our promises. When we think big, we promise to deliver a remarkable outcome. The pressure is on. Uncomfortable pressure.

3. Take more risks, a lot more. It takes daring to invest in ourselves and others, but it will bring us to that place of great discomfort faster, that place where we can accomplish big things. It's too easy to live with the daily, small, inertial discomforts of avoiding our fears. Risk induces activity. Activity disperses fear and inertia. As a Japanese proverb says, "Fall down seven times, stand up eight."

Candor, promises, risks; at first it's like a giant shot of wasabi--all that accountability, all that visibility. It's going to sear our nostrils with every breath and make our scalps sweat--all the better (and if you have a head cold, presto, it will be gone, too). Once we're thinking big, we will call like-minded people to action: Rock the boat. Maybe it sinks. Maybe it needed to sink.

Think: Will I rise up and put myself in consistently uncomfortable situations in order to think big about what I offer the world, even if every fiber of my being tells me to sit down and shut up?

Yes.

Comfort is a relic.

What's inside your comfort zone?

What's outside?

What makes you uncomfortable?

Why?

Statement of Discomfort

"I will not seek control. I will make visible my purpose, make promises in its service, and take risks to fulfill my commitments."